EFT and Couples Counseling
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Each of us desperately wants to know that our partner is there for us. EFT bonds partners together creating healthy love and repairing past hurts. With a secure emotional connection, partners more easily communicate and solve problems.
Research shows that EFT does work. In fact, couples EFT has been shown to create LASTING CHANGE. Where other therapy gains dwindle after termination, research shows that couples that have used EFT continue to improve even outside of therapy. EFT uses a systematic road-map to guide each couple towards emotional connectivity.
How does it work?
When couples have trouble in a relationship, they are struggling with a basic attachment issue, according to Johnson. They want answers to questions such as, “Are you there for me?” “Can I count on you?” and “If I call, will you come?”
But if a couple is not in tune, asking those questions can be troublesome. The signals they send can be distorted and misinterpreted, with no easy response. According to EFT’s founder, a breakdown in a couple’s communication system typically leads to one of two patterns. One is using anger to get a response: “I can’t get you to respond to me, so I will get angry, coercive, and blaming. Occasionally, it will make you pay attention to me.”
Another pattern is that one person shuts down as a way of dealing with difficult feelings or the partner’s anger: “I can’t get you to respond to me with acceptance, so I will try not to need you at all. I’ll try to shut you out.” Unfortunately, shutting down blocks the other person out and exacerbates the negative emotional system.
Understanding what people need and fear and the importance of emotional responsiveness in the dynamic of attachment is transformative in working with couples. If the couple can’t successfully reconnect, “demon dialogues” are likely to occur. These fights can become standard in some relationships, but if they gain momentum, they can take over, resulting in a devastating feeling of aloneness. EFT offers a road map to help couples understand how to self-correct when their “attachment demons” surface.
What is the normal course of therapy?
EFT is considered a short-term therapy. A full progression of all nine steps typically takes between 8-20 sessions. Session length depends on the symptoms present at the time of intake.